I try not to look at you at all. Lately, I have become sadly aware that I do not look like the 30 something that I still feel that I am inside. I'm continually surprised when a young mother or father will reply to me with a "yes ma'am" or "no ma'am". I have actually looked behind me when someone has addressed me like that. My insides just don't seem to match my outsides.
I think my daughters think I am seriously older-- not just in how I look but in the things I do or say or forget. When I visit them and ask for directions, I better pay close attention, because I get the "I already told you once" look or the "remember when you were here last time?" awkward moment before they tell me again. I mean, I have always had a major directional problem. nothing new there- But I know they think I'm losing it already...just a little.....right girls??
Passing by a mirror used to mean a quick check: hair, teeth, eye make-up, etc. Now I just keep going and hope I don't catch myself giving a swift glance. It's just too disappointing. I don't think of myself as ridiculously vain. It's just that it's a small surprise to see the wrinkles, the aging neck, and the thinning hair. The person staring back at me is someone I'm just not used to yet. It's like it happened overnight, too. One day, I was holding my own, the next---well, you get the image. Speaking of images, Emma Kate calls the wicked queen a "yucky lady". When she asked me recently why I have polka dots on my hands, I felt like one. You gotta be thick skinned to be a mimi.
4 comments:
My grandchildren not only wonder about the "spots" on my hands, but they pull the loose skin on my neck and ask, "What's this, Grammy?"
Just finding your blog, and glad I did! I love catching up with your life, friend. Being a grandma (Mimi, giga etc.) is the best. The last time the Wells family was at our house, I told Emma, "I know your Mimi. We've been friends for a long time." She replied, "I love her!" Me too. GK
i dunno, mom. i think the look i give you when you ask for directions again is more likely me thinking, shit, i don't know either. 2 kids = my brain is not what it used to be. :) luv u.
It's a strange experience when your inside and outside start to be a mismatch. It's also disconcerting to see that "I guess you won't be young forever" look in your kids' eyes even if it's kindly fleeting. I have found myself asking if I'm acting appropriately "for my age" but I've given up on that. How I act is going to have to be okay because I'm just going to enjoy everything I can WHILE I can. I remember my elderly aunt saying "If I were still in my 60s I'd be out kicking up my heels as often as possible. I never realized how good I felt." Words to live by.
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