Auld Lang Syne

OK.  I had to google it.  I have been singing this song on new Year's Eve for 50 something years and didn't really know exactly what it meant.  I also didn't know it was a poem written by Robert Burns.  So I guess it's good to know what you are singing, especially if you've been drinking.  Oh yeah, it means "old-long since" or "old long ago" just in case you aren't sure either. And when we sing it, I guess we are looking at the past and sort of toasting to it with the knowledge that we have hope in the future.  Reflection is a good thing I guess, especially if you are grateful for what has happened in the past.  I'm just thinking about this past year, and for me, I was blessed with another healthy granddaughter, two daughters and their families who are happy and healthy, and a husband who continues to be my best friend.  I'm not saying everything was rosy in 2011, because there are always lows with the highs.  And this past year sent some revelations to me that were life changing.  But you move forward and learn to cope.  
About 12 years ago, out of nowhere, I began to write songs.  They were for family and close friends only, and were not particularly good.  But I would sit down at the piano and out one would come.  It was a way for me to express how I was feeling and better than going crazy, I guess.  Most of them were spiritual, but one was for Clark.  I haven't said much about him on this blog, but he is definitely worth a post, and then some.  He is one of the good guys--and I don't believe anyone who has ever met him would tell you any different.  I am seriously blessed and super grateful for Clark.  Anyway, I thought since I was doing a little looking back today, I would share that one song with you.  Don't worry--I'm not singing it, but just thought that it would be a cool way to end my blog for 2011. Have a Happy New Year everybody!
                                       
                                               Love of Mine
You still remember our first time to meet
No one could have told you 
My heart's yours to keep.
As we claimed life together,
A friendship was born.
Could it stand up to trials-
Life's thickets and thorns?


And I saw the flame flicker 
In your twinkling eye.
Naive young emotions,
Might they live or die?
Oh the flame is elusive 
And considered a threat
For it knows not of love
And of promises kept.


We've made mistakes
Had our miracles too.
God's grace was upon us
To help see us through.
So HIs path we will follow
Till we round our last bend
Much more pleasant a journey
Sharing life with my friend.

What's Cookin'?

I was brought up in the three square meals era.  Home cooked meals.  I know it's hard for you younger people to get, but in our little town of Blytheville, AR, there were just not many places to eat out, so everyone was at home eating ,and kids were in bed by 8:00.  That's right, 8:00 or before.  When Clark and I go out to eat now, there are kids humming around the tables and playing on iphones at 9 and 10 on school nights.  And we always wonder why they are out that late.  When I was a kid, It was a huge deal for us to have dinner out-- like a birthday or a holiday treat.  I can remember going to the Embers in Memphis for probably the first time I ate in a restaurant.  I was hammered all the way in the car about where my napkin needed to be and how I was to use a quiet tone in talking.  We were dressed nicely and were not allowed out of our chairs once seated.  Times have changed, for sure.  There is a restaurant on every corner and mom and dad are tired and just want to get a break.  
But I digress.  What I wanted to say today is that I am very aware of how cooking connects us....to the family and friends from whom we received the recipe, and to the memory of eating that particular food unique to the holiday season.  I have some of my grandmother's cooking utensils and when I grip the pastry cutter, I think about how many pies and cookies I consumed at Mimi's house that were made by her hands with that very tool. 
Two days this week, Mama came over and we made Christmas candy and cookies (our batting average on the fudge was .500).  On our first try, the soft ball was not hard enough; on the second try we overcompensated and barely got the candy out of the pot before it hardened.  But we made a memory and we laughed a lot.  She can no longer make those delicious pies I blogged about last year, but she can still stir up a pot of homemade fudge or divinity.  It just takes a few more tries.  Sometimes the holidays can be bittersweet, even if you are surrounded by lots of folks, because you remember those Christmases at your grandmother's house or other family member's home that are now an impossibility.  But somehow food is a great connector of family and memories.  And it's not just in the eating but in the making too. Have a blessed Christmas!

Hattie Elizabeth

Hattie arrived Sunday night after Thanksgiving. Clark and I were already at Katie and Adam's for Turkey Day, so Hattie was very accommodating.  Katie had another natural birthing experience, and I just don't know how she does it.  She's a strong soul, that one.  I am a very proud mommy and an especially proud Mimi.  Just look at that sweet baby girl..... so much to be thankful for.  

Free Fallin'

Leah and Paul  and their boys drove back to Austin yesterday after visiting us for about a week in Memphis.  The 12 hour drive must have been excruciating, and we were so grateful they took the time and trouble to visit us.   The boys are at the magical ages of 2 and 5 and everything is new and wonderful.  I enjoyed just watching them discovering things that we take for granted....like leaves.  I will admit leaves are a nuisance when they pile up on your steps so that you cannot even see where to put your feet, but I have resisted blowing  (I hate that noise) and bagging them and was so glad I had plenty on the ground when the boys were here.  Henry and I had fun identifying the types of leaves and I sent him home with a box full.  My mother spent several days with the little guys, and it was so sweet to see them interact with her.  Henry and I raked leaves for about 2 hours one afternoon with Mama looking on, and the above photo is the result.  I don't guess there is any way to go back and grab the delight of jumping in a big pile of freshly fallen leaves, but we were doing a pretty good job of enjoying ourselves just watching Leah and Paul's offspring. When the November days are clear and warm here in Memphis, it's as good as it gets.  I am grateful for the sweet gift of grandchildren.  Happy Thanksgiving!

                          

Adjustments or What I've Learned from my Mother the last 2 Weeks

My mother dancing at a Breast Cancer Awareness "Pink Party"

I am becoming more and more aware that we all are in a constant state of adjustment: to what life throws at us, to people who disappoint us, to misconceptions that surprise us, and to new ideas and/or new places.  And watching my mother adjust to a new home, new friends, new medicines, new doctors, and a new routine gives me hope.  I never dreamed my mother would transition so well in the first 2 weeks  from her home of about 50 years to an apartment in assisted living in Memphis.  She is homesick, of course, but she is trying to adjust.  It's not what she chose, not what she bargained for, but there it is.  And having Lewy Body Disease is certainly not a disease selection she would have chosen.  But she is a fighter and she is a "pusher througher".  Something I hope to be able to be when my chips are down.  Some things you just cannot change or reverse but you can adjust !  "For your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."  Mathew 6:8

What Time Is It?

For the last month or so, I have been packing, visiting Mama, moving, and unpacking.  The trips to Blytheville have been a good break from the moving chaos, but have also been heart wrenching.  Yesterday, my sister, Peggy, and I took Mama to a neurologist because we wanted to get a definitive diagnosis.  It was as we had suspected: Lewy Body Disease.  If you haven't heard of it, it is very similar to Alzheimer's but has some differences.  One of the main differences is that the plaques in the brain are diffused so that not just one area is affected.  Sometimes you see things that are not there--mostly people---in Mama's case there have been people that she thought she recognized or knew from somewhere but was not too familiar with. Just imagine how weird it must be to tell someone that you have seen people in your home at all hours of the night and the reaction you would get.  I mean your brain is telling you they are there!  And no one believes you. It's got to be so frustrating and confusing.  Yesterday Mama asked us what time it was about 10 times in a 10 minute period because she did not remember what we had just told her.  This disease is a cruel one, and like Alzheimer's, is difficult to witness.  She continues to have a sense of humor and at times is her "old self".  We still laugh a lot and she has the capacity to laugh at herself... something all of us, especially me, could do more of.  She has friends and family who drop by, but the phone calls are tough.  Most people want her to recognize who they are, of course.  And sometimes she does, and other times she doesn't.  It's not that she doesn't love that person or want to remember, it's just that her brain has barriers that keep her from connecting.  Right now she is "in the moment"  and may not remember much about the conversation she just had, but she loved every minute of it while you were talking to her.  And that is a wonderful thing!  I think diseases like this one cut to the chase.  What time is it?  It's time to love, to enjoy, to forgive, and to show grace. 

Have Family Will Travel

As soon as I got back from helping Katie with her two girls for a little over two weeks, I washed my clothes, repacked, jumped in the car, and headed East with Clark for his annual business trip to the Carolinas.  It was not a vacation.  It was driving to small communities, waiting on Clark in the car, sitting in the lobby of a mill, or hanging out in the hotel while he visited the mill owners to talk about this year's cotton yield, or the market, or whatever else a cotton merchant would discuss with his client.  We did get to see Clark's daughter, Casey, and her husband, and some good friends along the way, but I also managed a lost/stolen iphone4 in the process.  It was pretty tough coming back to the hotel to no cell phone--not just any cell phone-- but my friend, Kathy, filled in the gap with an extra phone she had that happened to be with the same carrier as ours.  It saved my life, because I was trying to keep in touch with Katie and my mom while we were on the road.  Thanks, again, Kathy!  
We cut our trip short about a week, because Mama was not doing well about a week into our trip.  Her hip had mended nicely, but her confusion was drastically worse.  I believe I had my last real conversation with her while she was in rehab, but I didn't know it at the time. .... which makes me want to scream to everybody to enjoy and love your family as much as you can as often as you can because you have today.....period.  And don't think about yesterday if it was yucky, because you are not going to profit one bit from going back, rehashing, or doing the shoulda, coulda, woulda thing.  Just take the good stuff and learn from the bad stuff.  (I know this is sounding preachy, but I am emotional right now.) 
Life is truly shorter than I imagined, and as I visit with Mama, I understand more what she meant when she told me over and over in my adult years to: "Go, Do, honey".  And I hope to go and do as much as possible.  There are so many things to go and do here in Memphis and where my kids and grandkids are, not to mention all the other options we have in today's world that can make a difference.  It's a good thing that Clark is a "goer" and a "doer" because he's a good one to take with.........

Hi Ho Cherry-O and other Hits I remember

On the porch with Maylee

We eat ice cream cones just about every evening on the porch after dinner.    

Here I am in Houston 10 days now and I am enjoying the grandkids and the exhausting cycle of a preschooler's day.  Hi Ho Cherry-O is a hit with Emma Kate, but Maylee just likes to mix up the fruit into the baskets.  I remember my Hi Ho Cherry-O had wooden cherries that were much bigger than these tiny plastic pieces of fruit.  Things just aren't what they used to be.......
 Other fun stuff I introduced to the girls: "Mother May I?" and Slap Jack.  I remember liking both of those, but not so much now.  Slap Jack is ......just so....boring.  But Emma Kate gets such a kick out of it, it is hard to say no when she wants to play the millionth time. And I totally forgot that you are completely at the whim of the "Mother" in MMI.  It is she and she alone who determines if you are a winner or a loser.  Emma Kate caught on to that pretty quickly.  

I have noticed that the family dynamic has changed since I was a parent of small kids.  Here is what I see:
1. not as much TV around here as I exposed my kids to--we watched "Today's Special", "Bozo the Clown", "The Electric Company", "Sesame Street", "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood" and anything else I thought was worth viewing.  Hmmmmm......maybe I overdid it on the TV watching???
2. Almost everybody is "plugged in" to the computer or iphone at one time or another for very long periods of time.  Sometimes at night I stare at FB or google something random, because everyone else is googling, reading, working, or watching a movie on the computer.  So what I see is the internet is taking the place of TV BIG TIME.  at this house anyway.  Even the 2 year old and the 4 year old enjoy the family videos and games that the iphone or computer offer.  
This is by no means a criticism.  Just an observation.   
One thing, however, seems to have remained constant:
The kids rule.
So, some things never change.  

Hold the Onions

G.K., a longtime friend of mine, posted on my FB page that she was thinking of me in the "sandwich" season I am in right now.  A couple of days after Mama's surgery, Katie, who is 19 weeks pregnant, called me from California where she and Adam and the girls were attending Adam's cousin's wedding.  She said she had some complications, so they went to an ER close to where they were staying.  She consulted an OB and they were cleared to fly a day after they were scheduled to come home.  She is now home and on bed rest until further notice.  I am headed out there this week, after Mama goes home on Tuesday.  
It is a huge blessing to have my parents and my children and grandchildren.  I am so glad that I am able to help on both ends.  I haven't experienced wanting to be two places at once, though,  and it is frustrating.  Mama goes home Tuesday, and after that, I will head to Texas to help Katie with the girls.  I am praying that everyone will be just fine---it will just take time for both of these girls that are so important to me.  I will go to Texas armed with Hi Ho Cherry-O and a few princess surprises.  Mama is going home with terrific ladies who have been helping us in the  hospital and at Rehab. ......  and I wondered what I would be doing once I got to Memphis!  The house renovation has taken a back seat but I have a great contractor and Clark to fill in the gaps.  I did make a huge boo boo on one of the paint colors and didn't notice it until the room was painted a gosh awful aqua. 
So as far as the sandwich, I am enjoying it most of the time---just don't want anymore onions, that you.  

I Keep Reliving It

2:00 in the morning. Just getting home from ER. Got everything you need?Silly, I've been here before.Hid the throw rug under the bed.Ensure in the cooler.Sure you have everything? Forgot toothbrush.No worries I've got extra.New tube of Crest.Time to get in bed.Love you love you too.So tired.One more check.Brushing her teeth. Climbed into bed.Pillow feels so good.Heard something.Faint bumps.Go back to sleep.Not time to get up yet.Clark making coffee.Can't find your mother! Ran to the kitchen.Heard the moans.Tiny little body crumpled at the bottom.Clark already there.These are so steep.No, don't move her!Holding her hand.Mama, lie still.Don't try to get up. It sounded crispy like Cheerios.I think it's my hip.Try not to move.911.What is your emergency?How many stairs?About 25 feet.Spell what?T-I S-H-O-M-I-N....Clark, here, finish 911.I need to be with her.How long have you been here?OMG.This doesn't seem real.I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry.Terror.Don't show it.You'll be OK You'll be OK.They're here.So many big men with boards and red straps.How far did she fall?Can't get her out.Little body scrunched up against the door.Jammed against the first step.Door opens in.Nowhere to go.Get her out.Try not to cry.Stay calm.Take off your pjs.Put on some clothes.Grab your purse and hers.Running.Riding in the ambulance.Siren.Every bump a moan.Why did he drive down Poplar?No traffic on Walnut Grove.Don't throw up.Keep it together.We're almost there, Mom.Just a few more minutes.You're doing great,Mama.Good morning.What is your mother's social? 

Beach Trips and a City House for a Country Mouse

I realized that I have not been here for over a month. I have been on the road and have put about 2000 miles on my car in the last six weeks: a trip to Austin to see Leah and the boys, a trip to Naples, FL to meet with nine college friends, a trip to Rosemary Beach, FL with Katie, Adam and the girls, a trip to Houston for Emma Kate's ballet recital,  and several trips to Tupelo with Clark to prepare Sara's house for sale. In the meantime, we have purchased a house here in Memphis that we are really excited about.  We are tired of our "flat" and not having a home that belongs to us. The house we just bought is a 1938 home in an older part of Memphis.  It needs a bit of updating which we were not expecting, but we think it might be fun to redo the kitchen and the master bath before we move in.  Since we are renting, we can stay here over the summer until our lease runs out and hopefully we can get the renovation completed before we move out of here. (I wonder if that will actually happen)  
Anyway, it might be fun to take some "before" and "after"  pictures and maybe you could even weigh in on some ideas---I'm open to suggestions.  I will post pictures of the house after we close so that I won't jinx the process. The lady we bought it from has owned it since 1947 and is experiencing seller's remorse.  So we are holding our breath in case she finds a way to back out of the contract.  I understand it is hard to let go of the home you lived in for 64 years, but you could still be nice to the potential buyers.  Or not.  


Pictures of the fun I've been blessed to have lately:

                     Love my  grandbabies.              

My buddies from Ole Miss days

The Ozarks

The first memories of family vacations that I have are the ones at Bull Shoals, Arkansas.  We went just about every summer until my parents divorced in the 60s.  There was a Resort called Crow-Barnes that sat right on the lake, complete with a pool and horse back riding.  I think it is probably not there anymore, but it was a bit of heaven for me in my elementary school years.   

Toler Buchanan, father of one of my best buddies, taught me how to water ski on Norfork Lake, which is located adjacent to Bull Shoals. Carol and I double skied as early as the second grade and progressed to slaloms pretty soon after that.  We would ski all day and would beg Mr. Buchanan to keep the boat out until the last light at dusk.  That's when the water became smooth as glass.  I can still remember riding in the back seat of the Buchanan's car smelling Mrs. Buchanan's chocolate chip cookies and anticipating the fun we were going to have as we traveled the 4 hours to Lake Norfork.   I loved this area so much, I sent my two girls to Camp Soaring Hawk for years and years in Purdy, Missouri, not too far from where we are today.  So I have wonderful memories of this area.  

 Clark and I are back in the Ozarks this weekend for a little trout fishing and hiking.  But I elected not to fish today.  We are at PJ's Lodge right on the White River, and Ellie and I are going to take a walk in just a bit.   Hopefully I will get to take a few pics without freaking her out.  It is such a pretty spot, and it is not too cold for a  March in the mountains of Arkansas.   

So Ellie and I just got back from our adventures and it was pretty uneventful until......the huge German Shepard came barreling out of nowhere to eat us both alive.  I was frozen with fright but Ellie girl represented.  She gave him a good ole growl that only a girl can give a guy when he's coming on too strong, and he turned and walked away.  Awesome, Ellie.  
We did see a guy in overalls way back on the gravel road looking very hillbillyish, but when he looked my way, I decided not to take his picture.  He was headed out to his chicken yard with something ominous in his hands. 
 Here are the pictures I did snap:

Shouldn't that be Rio Blanco?

First Sign of Spring.

The bull did not like Ellie.

Ellie did not like the bull.

Rompin on the White River.

From Magnets to Ballet

I have just come home from an exhausting and exhilarating Texas trip to see my two girls and their sweet families.  I drove from Memphis to Austin in one day, stayed about a week, then drove to Houston for a couple of days and drove home.  I am so blessed to have such great kids and grandkids.  They were a much needed reminder of new little lives after the past few weeks.  The boys are so much fun, and Henry asks the cutest questions.  It is so fun to see what they are interested in ---right about now, Henry is into magnets, so we went to the toy store and got him a horseshoe magnet.  I loved watching him discover what items have the right amounts of iron and nickel and the other metals that stick.  Milo is into watching Henry, laughing and climbing a lot.  He has such a cute little personality.                      

Houston was all about girly girls.  I brought Emma Kate and Maylee new swimsuits and loved watching them try them on and watched Emma Kate practice for her first dance recital.  Maylee and I were in each other's arms a good bit of the time.                

It is so hard to leave my girls and their babies.  I never leave without wondering what it would be like to live closer.  

Talk about Treasures!

While going through Sara's belongings in the last few weeks, Clark and I discovered some fantastic family treasures that were outside in the storage room.  We were surprised to find them there, and carefully brought them into the house in the torn up box they were in for who knows how long, and began to look through them. I am not talking about money or jewelry or antiques; I am talking about Sara's keepsakes: wedding pictures, photographs from her childhood, her Tri Delta group photo from Ole Miss circa 1935, and  beautiful portraits of her at age 18 to name a few.  We were just sick about finding these priceless items in the same room off the garage that houses the used flower pots, garden tools, step ladders, empty jars, and multiple spider webs--not to mention the mold.  But there they were in the corner on the shelf.  We even found one of the straw hats worn by the bride's maids in Sara and Cy's wedding.  And it was adorable.  I usually do not give unsolicited advice on this blog, (I do enough of that with my family) but sometimes someone else's experiences help others, and I hope that this is one of those times.  So here's what I want to express:
How fun and meaningful it would have been for Sara and for us if we had gotten out all of these items while she was alive.  She could have given us details of who was who in some of the photographs, and I know she would have enjoyed us being interested.  And we could have told her how beautiful her photographs are.  I don't know anyone who doesn't want to hear something good about themselves!  We just didn't know they were out there. And there aren't too many family members or friends left to help us figure out who everyone is in some of the photos.  So, if you still have your parents or grandparents, or any family member who would enjoy discussing their past with you, I encourage you to get out the photo albums with all the little triangular black photo holders that are falling apart and take a walk down memory lane with them.  You will be so glad you did. 
I think the reason Sara didn't do that with us is that she either forgot about them, or she just didn't think we'd be all that interested.  And there was probably a time when Clark was younger and not intrigued by his mother's old photographs and letters.  But he is now, and I know he wishes he had had the chance to spend an afternoon with his mom learning things about her he might not ever know.  We are grateful for her wonderful keepsakes, and rest in the knowledge that she would be happy that we will be cleaning, refurbishing, and preserving those things she kept in that torn up box for so long.   

The Bitter and the Sweet

 

Sara's Bridal Bouquet

from 1938

Because it is close to Valentine's Day, I thought I would share some sweet scenes I have just witnessed in the last two weeks.  My 95 year old mother in law passed away last week, and Clark and I had been in Tupelo for the week leading up to her death and for about a week after.  Not everyone can live their last days at home, but it was Sara's wish to be there, and with the help of hospice and her four wonderful caregivers, her wish came true.  I have never had any experience with hospice care, and Sara never really needed it until her last week of life, because she was doing fairly well with the help of her caregivers.  Sara's mind never failed her; it was her heart that did, and it took a quick turn for the worse about a week before she passed away.  

Her last days were filled with friends, neighbors, Clark and me, sweet caregivers, and  exceptional hospice staff whose job it is to make not only the patient more comfortable but also the family.  They explained what was going on, what to expect, and leveled with us as best they could.  No one knows the minute someone will pass on, but they prepared us so that there would be no surprises.  And of course, you are never really prepared because you have never lost this loved one before, but the compassionate demeanor and respect of the hospice  nurses and staff made the unknown less fearful.  It would be an understatement for me to say that hospice is wonderful and beneficial to everyone involved. 

And then there were Sara's four caregivers who were like family to her and to us.  And the love and respect they showed to Sara was phenomenal.  What a wonderful part they play in so many people's lives.  And if you are blessed enough to have the right people in your home, it's like you have extra family you didn't know you had.  And when you are caring for someone together, you bond pretty quickly.  They came by to see about Sara, even when it was not their time to be there. 

The whole ordeal was difficult for me to watch on two levels: watching Sara as she was leaving this world, and watching Clark struggling to be strong.  And I believe his strength prevailed.  Clark sat beside his mother and held her hand as he helped to escort her to her next life.  And that loving gesture will be something I will always remember.  It was quite an honor, really, to witness.

Reflections

Memphis Botanical Gardens, October 2010

Now that the flurry of the holidays is behind me, and because I have had the time to think about things, I am even more convinced that I need to get going on my bucket list or at least accomplish some things that are worthwhile.  I mean, time is a tickin' and the next ten years ought to reflect what I think is important to do or at least begin.  I see myself continually shifting to an "older" person, and it is indeed hard to swallow.

  Here's a quick list of why I know I'm breaking out of the loop of YOUNG at a pretty fast clip:

1. I read books like I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron and totally relate.  How many people below the age of 50 would read a book with a title like that ?   I even think Nora and I could be friends even though we are from completely different backgrounds, because I think aging is a unifier. (sigh)

2. People ask me about my grandkids, not my children, though I'm delighted to expound on that amazing subject.  

3. I don't understand how "Jersey Shore" is the most viewed MTV series and has more than 1 million viewers.  Clark and I tried to watch it, and we didn't make it 3 minutes.

4.  I don't get Snooki.....

5. or her hair bump......

6. or that she has written a novel, and it was published.

7. I have to look up FB terminology to understand some people's posts.

8. I have only 1 app on my cell phone out of --how many?? 5000 or so? I thought I was really "with it" when I could sync my contacts from my mac to my blackberry-- and that I could Skype from my blackberry.  My blackberry is so yesterday. But could I use the iphone to its full potential?  

9.  I don't know any of the people on the cover of US Weekly, and when I thumb through it at the grocery check-out, I don't know any of the people inside either.

10. I have to look at the keyboard in order to text AND I always get the alt and the capital confused and have to delete and do over taking texting longer than making a phone call.

11. I act like I know what my kids are talking about even when I have no idea.  

12. My kids don't ask my opinion about very many things, even though I think I might have some insight on certain subjects.  (maybe because of # 11?)

13. Working out in the gym is a lot more difficult physically and mentally...... uh, is there an app for that?????