From the time I was twelve until I was off to college, My relationship with my Dad was shatterable. Then in my freshman year of college, it completely imploded. In the early years, he was interested in women other than my mother, which led to their divorce, but also to the divorce of us kids. He was just not there-not for holidays, not for Dad's nights out, not for Girl Scout Father's suppers. At first, he did sometimes try to arrange visits with me, but if I was a busy teen, he didn't try to find a way. I think we find ways to do what is important to us. Not having a father to talk to, confide in, and generally love me left a hole that was never completely filled.
After I went off to college and for years after, our relationship was a wreck.There was a time when I spoke to him in front of the meat counter at Kroger when I was visiting my mother with my three year old daughter whom he had never met, and he did not recognize me. I had to tell him who I was.That was hard. And I thought that short meeting would get him going. He would do the "right thing" and try to make amends. After all, there sat his first granddaughter in the cart looking adorable, and there I was, obviously pregnant with a second baby.
I kept waiting and waiting but it became apparent that he wasn't going to move his chess piece. We were at a standoff, wasting time.You see, I thought if he cared enough about me, he would try to contact me after that. It didn't happen until twelve years later when I made the first move.
But what I am trying to convey today is that you may be in the same position with your father not measuring up, and you struggle to find the right Father's Day card with a message that is not so flowery and gooey. You might want to email him or text him but you don't have the right words or the heart to do it so you don't.
If he has hurt you in ways that there is no going back, I get it. Not every man should be a father. But if you know in your heart that the things he has done or not done as they pertain to you are weaknesses of a human who is worth your time, you could try to reach out.It won't be easy and you will be taking a risk with your heart. And maybe your outcome won't be positive. But you can know deep down that you did what you could to repair two souls that were broken.
I pray that we could be the following for everybody in these days, including our fathers:
"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31-32.
