My mom was a cute little clown. She would kick up her legs, dance a jig and stop and pat the other residents when we would walk down the hall to get her mail or to go to an activity. The staff loved being around her because she was feisty and complimentary. She was fun to be around . You never knew what she was going to come out with or ask, so sometimes she would catch you off guard or even create an awkward moment.
When I was a child, I thought she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. She had a flair for fashion and knew how to rock those 50s clothes. I would beg her to let me brush her hair in the evenings, just wanting to get at those silky dark curls. Surely she knew how cute she was.
And she was also one of the most complicated and frustrating people I have ever known. She had an unpredictable temper and at the same time was a champion for the underdog. I have gotten phone calls, emails and texts from people she had touched by her just listening to them during a hard time. She had such a mixture of sweetness and vinegar. She loved to do things for everybody putting herself last most of the time. She was a longtime caregiver to her husband for eight years, and also nursed her mother and father, her aunt, and her mother-in-law. She loved attention but shunned it at times. She was cooperative unless she thought you were not on her side..... then she became impossible. And you just had to keep reassuring her that she was OK just like she was.
He strong will served her well most of the time and those of us watching would sometimes just shake our heads, because things were going to be done her way. Sometimes her strong will was not working for her and intervention was necessary. Then there was trouble. But there was usually a way around her---it just took creativity!
One of my sweetest memories will be when she was in the hospital about three weeks ago and was about to be discharged. This just sums up the kind of impact my mom had on people. We opened the shade to the window in the hall and she would wave and speak to every single person who walked down the hall. When it was time to leave, the nurses came in and told us how they were going to miss her after a week's visit....that she was so much fun and such a joy to treat. Even the lady who cleaned the room came back to give her a hug. And my Mama's standard reply was "Bless your heart, honey...bless your heart."
I will not have the same life I have been leading now that she is gone. These last events were life changing. I will have more time for myself--something she was always worried about but something that I was fine to give up. She was in my every day. And I was in her leaving this world. She was strong and feisty even in the end. I told her not to hang on for me but when she was ready she should go. I didn't want her to continue to struggle because she was worried about leaving me--something she had told me lots of times before. The room was quiet and dark--just the way she liked it--I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me.
And a few minutes later she was gone. Even though I knew she was dying I was still shocked in a way. Death is hard to acknowledge even when it is right smack in front of you and you know it is coming. But being there in such a personal moment is worth that terrible final realization of what just happened. Because loving your mother to the end is the deepest privilege of all.
