I Keep Reliving It

2:00 in the morning. Just getting home from ER. Got everything you need?Silly, I've been here before.Hid the throw rug under the bed.Ensure in the cooler.Sure you have everything? Forgot toothbrush.No worries I've got extra.New tube of Crest.Time to get in bed.Love you love you too.So tired.One more check.Brushing her teeth. Climbed into bed.Pillow feels so good.Heard something.Faint bumps.Go back to sleep.Not time to get up yet.Clark making coffee.Can't find your mother! Ran to the kitchen.Heard the moans.Tiny little body crumpled at the bottom.Clark already there.These are so steep.No, don't move her!Holding her hand.Mama, lie still.Don't try to get up. It sounded crispy like Cheerios.I think it's my hip.Try not to move.911.What is your emergency?How many stairs?About 25 feet.Spell what?T-I S-H-O-M-I-N....Clark, here, finish 911.I need to be with her.How long have you been here?OMG.This doesn't seem real.I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry.Terror.Don't show it.You'll be OK You'll be OK.They're here.So many big men with boards and red straps.How far did she fall?Can't get her out.Little body scrunched up against the door.Jammed against the first step.Door opens in.Nowhere to go.Get her out.Try not to cry.Stay calm.Take off your pjs.Put on some clothes.Grab your purse and hers.Running.Riding in the ambulance.Siren.Every bump a moan.Why did he drive down Poplar?No traffic on Walnut Grove.Don't throw up.Keep it together.We're almost there, Mom.Just a few more minutes.You're doing great,Mama.Good morning.What is your mother's social? 

Beach Trips and a City House for a Country Mouse

I realized that I have not been here for over a month. I have been on the road and have put about 2000 miles on my car in the last six weeks: a trip to Austin to see Leah and the boys, a trip to Naples, FL to meet with nine college friends, a trip to Rosemary Beach, FL with Katie, Adam and the girls, a trip to Houston for Emma Kate's ballet recital,  and several trips to Tupelo with Clark to prepare Sara's house for sale. In the meantime, we have purchased a house here in Memphis that we are really excited about.  We are tired of our "flat" and not having a home that belongs to us. The house we just bought is a 1938 home in an older part of Memphis.  It needs a bit of updating which we were not expecting, but we think it might be fun to redo the kitchen and the master bath before we move in.  Since we are renting, we can stay here over the summer until our lease runs out and hopefully we can get the renovation completed before we move out of here. (I wonder if that will actually happen)  
Anyway, it might be fun to take some "before" and "after"  pictures and maybe you could even weigh in on some ideas---I'm open to suggestions.  I will post pictures of the house after we close so that I won't jinx the process. The lady we bought it from has owned it since 1947 and is experiencing seller's remorse.  So we are holding our breath in case she finds a way to back out of the contract.  I understand it is hard to let go of the home you lived in for 64 years, but you could still be nice to the potential buyers.  Or not.  


Pictures of the fun I've been blessed to have lately:

                     Love my  grandbabies.              

My buddies from Ole Miss days

The Ozarks

The first memories of family vacations that I have are the ones at Bull Shoals, Arkansas.  We went just about every summer until my parents divorced in the 60s.  There was a Resort called Crow-Barnes that sat right on the lake, complete with a pool and horse back riding.  I think it is probably not there anymore, but it was a bit of heaven for me in my elementary school years.   

Toler Buchanan, father of one of my best buddies, taught me how to water ski on Norfork Lake, which is located adjacent to Bull Shoals. Carol and I double skied as early as the second grade and progressed to slaloms pretty soon after that.  We would ski all day and would beg Mr. Buchanan to keep the boat out until the last light at dusk.  That's when the water became smooth as glass.  I can still remember riding in the back seat of the Buchanan's car smelling Mrs. Buchanan's chocolate chip cookies and anticipating the fun we were going to have as we traveled the 4 hours to Lake Norfork.   I loved this area so much, I sent my two girls to Camp Soaring Hawk for years and years in Purdy, Missouri, not too far from where we are today.  So I have wonderful memories of this area.  

 Clark and I are back in the Ozarks this weekend for a little trout fishing and hiking.  But I elected not to fish today.  We are at PJ's Lodge right on the White River, and Ellie and I are going to take a walk in just a bit.   Hopefully I will get to take a few pics without freaking her out.  It is such a pretty spot, and it is not too cold for a  March in the mountains of Arkansas.   

So Ellie and I just got back from our adventures and it was pretty uneventful until......the huge German Shepard came barreling out of nowhere to eat us both alive.  I was frozen with fright but Ellie girl represented.  She gave him a good ole growl that only a girl can give a guy when he's coming on too strong, and he turned and walked away.  Awesome, Ellie.  
We did see a guy in overalls way back on the gravel road looking very hillbillyish, but when he looked my way, I decided not to take his picture.  He was headed out to his chicken yard with something ominous in his hands. 
 Here are the pictures I did snap:

Shouldn't that be Rio Blanco?

First Sign of Spring.

The bull did not like Ellie.

Ellie did not like the bull.

Rompin on the White River.

From Magnets to Ballet

I have just come home from an exhausting and exhilarating Texas trip to see my two girls and their sweet families.  I drove from Memphis to Austin in one day, stayed about a week, then drove to Houston for a couple of days and drove home.  I am so blessed to have such great kids and grandkids.  They were a much needed reminder of new little lives after the past few weeks.  The boys are so much fun, and Henry asks the cutest questions.  It is so fun to see what they are interested in ---right about now, Henry is into magnets, so we went to the toy store and got him a horseshoe magnet.  I loved watching him discover what items have the right amounts of iron and nickel and the other metals that stick.  Milo is into watching Henry, laughing and climbing a lot.  He has such a cute little personality.                      

Houston was all about girly girls.  I brought Emma Kate and Maylee new swimsuits and loved watching them try them on and watched Emma Kate practice for her first dance recital.  Maylee and I were in each other's arms a good bit of the time.                

It is so hard to leave my girls and their babies.  I never leave without wondering what it would be like to live closer.  

Talk about Treasures!

While going through Sara's belongings in the last few weeks, Clark and I discovered some fantastic family treasures that were outside in the storage room.  We were surprised to find them there, and carefully brought them into the house in the torn up box they were in for who knows how long, and began to look through them. I am not talking about money or jewelry or antiques; I am talking about Sara's keepsakes: wedding pictures, photographs from her childhood, her Tri Delta group photo from Ole Miss circa 1935, and  beautiful portraits of her at age 18 to name a few.  We were just sick about finding these priceless items in the same room off the garage that houses the used flower pots, garden tools, step ladders, empty jars, and multiple spider webs--not to mention the mold.  But there they were in the corner on the shelf.  We even found one of the straw hats worn by the bride's maids in Sara and Cy's wedding.  And it was adorable.  I usually do not give unsolicited advice on this blog, (I do enough of that with my family) but sometimes someone else's experiences help others, and I hope that this is one of those times.  So here's what I want to express:
How fun and meaningful it would have been for Sara and for us if we had gotten out all of these items while she was alive.  She could have given us details of who was who in some of the photographs, and I know she would have enjoyed us being interested.  And we could have told her how beautiful her photographs are.  I don't know anyone who doesn't want to hear something good about themselves!  We just didn't know they were out there. And there aren't too many family members or friends left to help us figure out who everyone is in some of the photos.  So, if you still have your parents or grandparents, or any family member who would enjoy discussing their past with you, I encourage you to get out the photo albums with all the little triangular black photo holders that are falling apart and take a walk down memory lane with them.  You will be so glad you did. 
I think the reason Sara didn't do that with us is that she either forgot about them, or she just didn't think we'd be all that interested.  And there was probably a time when Clark was younger and not intrigued by his mother's old photographs and letters.  But he is now, and I know he wishes he had had the chance to spend an afternoon with his mom learning things about her he might not ever know.  We are grateful for her wonderful keepsakes, and rest in the knowledge that she would be happy that we will be cleaning, refurbishing, and preserving those things she kept in that torn up box for so long.   

The Bitter and the Sweet

 

Sara's Bridal Bouquet

from 1938

Because it is close to Valentine's Day, I thought I would share some sweet scenes I have just witnessed in the last two weeks.  My 95 year old mother in law passed away last week, and Clark and I had been in Tupelo for the week leading up to her death and for about a week after.  Not everyone can live their last days at home, but it was Sara's wish to be there, and with the help of hospice and her four wonderful caregivers, her wish came true.  I have never had any experience with hospice care, and Sara never really needed it until her last week of life, because she was doing fairly well with the help of her caregivers.  Sara's mind never failed her; it was her heart that did, and it took a quick turn for the worse about a week before she passed away.  

Her last days were filled with friends, neighbors, Clark and me, sweet caregivers, and  exceptional hospice staff whose job it is to make not only the patient more comfortable but also the family.  They explained what was going on, what to expect, and leveled with us as best they could.  No one knows the minute someone will pass on, but they prepared us so that there would be no surprises.  And of course, you are never really prepared because you have never lost this loved one before, but the compassionate demeanor and respect of the hospice  nurses and staff made the unknown less fearful.  It would be an understatement for me to say that hospice is wonderful and beneficial to everyone involved. 

And then there were Sara's four caregivers who were like family to her and to us.  And the love and respect they showed to Sara was phenomenal.  What a wonderful part they play in so many people's lives.  And if you are blessed enough to have the right people in your home, it's like you have extra family you didn't know you had.  And when you are caring for someone together, you bond pretty quickly.  They came by to see about Sara, even when it was not their time to be there. 

The whole ordeal was difficult for me to watch on two levels: watching Sara as she was leaving this world, and watching Clark struggling to be strong.  And I believe his strength prevailed.  Clark sat beside his mother and held her hand as he helped to escort her to her next life.  And that loving gesture will be something I will always remember.  It was quite an honor, really, to witness.

Reflections

Memphis Botanical Gardens, October 2010

Now that the flurry of the holidays is behind me, and because I have had the time to think about things, I am even more convinced that I need to get going on my bucket list or at least accomplish some things that are worthwhile.  I mean, time is a tickin' and the next ten years ought to reflect what I think is important to do or at least begin.  I see myself continually shifting to an "older" person, and it is indeed hard to swallow.

  Here's a quick list of why I know I'm breaking out of the loop of YOUNG at a pretty fast clip:

1. I read books like I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron and totally relate.  How many people below the age of 50 would read a book with a title like that ?   I even think Nora and I could be friends even though we are from completely different backgrounds, because I think aging is a unifier. (sigh)

2. People ask me about my grandkids, not my children, though I'm delighted to expound on that amazing subject.  

3. I don't understand how "Jersey Shore" is the most viewed MTV series and has more than 1 million viewers.  Clark and I tried to watch it, and we didn't make it 3 minutes.

4.  I don't get Snooki.....

5. or her hair bump......

6. or that she has written a novel, and it was published.

7. I have to look up FB terminology to understand some people's posts.

8. I have only 1 app on my cell phone out of --how many?? 5000 or so? I thought I was really "with it" when I could sync my contacts from my mac to my blackberry-- and that I could Skype from my blackberry.  My blackberry is so yesterday. But could I use the iphone to its full potential?  

9.  I don't know any of the people on the cover of US Weekly, and when I thumb through it at the grocery check-out, I don't know any of the people inside either.

10. I have to look at the keyboard in order to text AND I always get the alt and the capital confused and have to delete and do over taking texting longer than making a phone call.

11. I act like I know what my kids are talking about even when I have no idea.  

12. My kids don't ask my opinion about very many things, even though I think I might have some insight on certain subjects.  (maybe because of # 11?)

13. Working out in the gym is a lot more difficult physically and mentally...... uh, is there an app for that?????