Adjustments or What I've Learned from my Mother the last 2 Weeks

My mother dancing at a Breast Cancer Awareness "Pink Party"

I am becoming more and more aware that we all are in a constant state of adjustment: to what life throws at us, to people who disappoint us, to misconceptions that surprise us, and to new ideas and/or new places.  And watching my mother adjust to a new home, new friends, new medicines, new doctors, and a new routine gives me hope.  I never dreamed my mother would transition so well in the first 2 weeks  from her home of about 50 years to an apartment in assisted living in Memphis.  She is homesick, of course, but she is trying to adjust.  It's not what she chose, not what she bargained for, but there it is.  And having Lewy Body Disease is certainly not a disease selection she would have chosen.  But she is a fighter and she is a "pusher througher".  Something I hope to be able to be when my chips are down.  Some things you just cannot change or reverse but you can adjust !  "For your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."  Mathew 6:8

What Time Is It?

For the last month or so, I have been packing, visiting Mama, moving, and unpacking.  The trips to Blytheville have been a good break from the moving chaos, but have also been heart wrenching.  Yesterday, my sister, Peggy, and I took Mama to a neurologist because we wanted to get a definitive diagnosis.  It was as we had suspected: Lewy Body Disease.  If you haven't heard of it, it is very similar to Alzheimer's but has some differences.  One of the main differences is that the plaques in the brain are diffused so that not just one area is affected.  Sometimes you see things that are not there--mostly people---in Mama's case there have been people that she thought she recognized or knew from somewhere but was not too familiar with. Just imagine how weird it must be to tell someone that you have seen people in your home at all hours of the night and the reaction you would get.  I mean your brain is telling you they are there!  And no one believes you. It's got to be so frustrating and confusing.  Yesterday Mama asked us what time it was about 10 times in a 10 minute period because she did not remember what we had just told her.  This disease is a cruel one, and like Alzheimer's, is difficult to witness.  She continues to have a sense of humor and at times is her "old self".  We still laugh a lot and she has the capacity to laugh at herself... something all of us, especially me, could do more of.  She has friends and family who drop by, but the phone calls are tough.  Most people want her to recognize who they are, of course.  And sometimes she does, and other times she doesn't.  It's not that she doesn't love that person or want to remember, it's just that her brain has barriers that keep her from connecting.  Right now she is "in the moment"  and may not remember much about the conversation she just had, but she loved every minute of it while you were talking to her.  And that is a wonderful thing!  I think diseases like this one cut to the chase.  What time is it?  It's time to love, to enjoy, to forgive, and to show grace. 

Have Family Will Travel

As soon as I got back from helping Katie with her two girls for a little over two weeks, I washed my clothes, repacked, jumped in the car, and headed East with Clark for his annual business trip to the Carolinas.  It was not a vacation.  It was driving to small communities, waiting on Clark in the car, sitting in the lobby of a mill, or hanging out in the hotel while he visited the mill owners to talk about this year's cotton yield, or the market, or whatever else a cotton merchant would discuss with his client.  We did get to see Clark's daughter, Casey, and her husband, and some good friends along the way, but I also managed a lost/stolen iphone4 in the process.  It was pretty tough coming back to the hotel to no cell phone--not just any cell phone-- but my friend, Kathy, filled in the gap with an extra phone she had that happened to be with the same carrier as ours.  It saved my life, because I was trying to keep in touch with Katie and my mom while we were on the road.  Thanks, again, Kathy!  
We cut our trip short about a week, because Mama was not doing well about a week into our trip.  Her hip had mended nicely, but her confusion was drastically worse.  I believe I had my last real conversation with her while she was in rehab, but I didn't know it at the time. .... which makes me want to scream to everybody to enjoy and love your family as much as you can as often as you can because you have today.....period.  And don't think about yesterday if it was yucky, because you are not going to profit one bit from going back, rehashing, or doing the shoulda, coulda, woulda thing.  Just take the good stuff and learn from the bad stuff.  (I know this is sounding preachy, but I am emotional right now.) 
Life is truly shorter than I imagined, and as I visit with Mama, I understand more what she meant when she told me over and over in my adult years to: "Go, Do, honey".  And I hope to go and do as much as possible.  There are so many things to go and do here in Memphis and where my kids and grandkids are, not to mention all the other options we have in today's world that can make a difference.  It's a good thing that Clark is a "goer" and a "doer" because he's a good one to take with.........

Hi Ho Cherry-O and other Hits I remember

On the porch with Maylee

We eat ice cream cones just about every evening on the porch after dinner.    

Here I am in Houston 10 days now and I am enjoying the grandkids and the exhausting cycle of a preschooler's day.  Hi Ho Cherry-O is a hit with Emma Kate, but Maylee just likes to mix up the fruit into the baskets.  I remember my Hi Ho Cherry-O had wooden cherries that were much bigger than these tiny plastic pieces of fruit.  Things just aren't what they used to be.......
 Other fun stuff I introduced to the girls: "Mother May I?" and Slap Jack.  I remember liking both of those, but not so much now.  Slap Jack is ......just so....boring.  But Emma Kate gets such a kick out of it, it is hard to say no when she wants to play the millionth time. And I totally forgot that you are completely at the whim of the "Mother" in MMI.  It is she and she alone who determines if you are a winner or a loser.  Emma Kate caught on to that pretty quickly.  

I have noticed that the family dynamic has changed since I was a parent of small kids.  Here is what I see:
1. not as much TV around here as I exposed my kids to--we watched "Today's Special", "Bozo the Clown", "The Electric Company", "Sesame Street", "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood" and anything else I thought was worth viewing.  Hmmmmm......maybe I overdid it on the TV watching???
2. Almost everybody is "plugged in" to the computer or iphone at one time or another for very long periods of time.  Sometimes at night I stare at FB or google something random, because everyone else is googling, reading, working, or watching a movie on the computer.  So what I see is the internet is taking the place of TV BIG TIME.  at this house anyway.  Even the 2 year old and the 4 year old enjoy the family videos and games that the iphone or computer offer.  
This is by no means a criticism.  Just an observation.   
One thing, however, seems to have remained constant:
The kids rule.
So, some things never change.  

Hold the Onions

G.K., a longtime friend of mine, posted on my FB page that she was thinking of me in the "sandwich" season I am in right now.  A couple of days after Mama's surgery, Katie, who is 19 weeks pregnant, called me from California where she and Adam and the girls were attending Adam's cousin's wedding.  She said she had some complications, so they went to an ER close to where they were staying.  She consulted an OB and they were cleared to fly a day after they were scheduled to come home.  She is now home and on bed rest until further notice.  I am headed out there this week, after Mama goes home on Tuesday.  
It is a huge blessing to have my parents and my children and grandchildren.  I am so glad that I am able to help on both ends.  I haven't experienced wanting to be two places at once, though,  and it is frustrating.  Mama goes home Tuesday, and after that, I will head to Texas to help Katie with the girls.  I am praying that everyone will be just fine---it will just take time for both of these girls that are so important to me.  I will go to Texas armed with Hi Ho Cherry-O and a few princess surprises.  Mama is going home with terrific ladies who have been helping us in the  hospital and at Rehab. ......  and I wondered what I would be doing once I got to Memphis!  The house renovation has taken a back seat but I have a great contractor and Clark to fill in the gaps.  I did make a huge boo boo on one of the paint colors and didn't notice it until the room was painted a gosh awful aqua. 
So as far as the sandwich, I am enjoying it most of the time---just don't want anymore onions, that you.  

I Keep Reliving It

2:00 in the morning. Just getting home from ER. Got everything you need?Silly, I've been here before.Hid the throw rug under the bed.Ensure in the cooler.Sure you have everything? Forgot toothbrush.No worries I've got extra.New tube of Crest.Time to get in bed.Love you love you too.So tired.One more check.Brushing her teeth. Climbed into bed.Pillow feels so good.Heard something.Faint bumps.Go back to sleep.Not time to get up yet.Clark making coffee.Can't find your mother! Ran to the kitchen.Heard the moans.Tiny little body crumpled at the bottom.Clark already there.These are so steep.No, don't move her!Holding her hand.Mama, lie still.Don't try to get up. It sounded crispy like Cheerios.I think it's my hip.Try not to move.911.What is your emergency?How many stairs?About 25 feet.Spell what?T-I S-H-O-M-I-N....Clark, here, finish 911.I need to be with her.How long have you been here?OMG.This doesn't seem real.I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry.Terror.Don't show it.You'll be OK You'll be OK.They're here.So many big men with boards and red straps.How far did she fall?Can't get her out.Little body scrunched up against the door.Jammed against the first step.Door opens in.Nowhere to go.Get her out.Try not to cry.Stay calm.Take off your pjs.Put on some clothes.Grab your purse and hers.Running.Riding in the ambulance.Siren.Every bump a moan.Why did he drive down Poplar?No traffic on Walnut Grove.Don't throw up.Keep it together.We're almost there, Mom.Just a few more minutes.You're doing great,Mama.Good morning.What is your mother's social? 

Beach Trips and a City House for a Country Mouse

I realized that I have not been here for over a month. I have been on the road and have put about 2000 miles on my car in the last six weeks: a trip to Austin to see Leah and the boys, a trip to Naples, FL to meet with nine college friends, a trip to Rosemary Beach, FL with Katie, Adam and the girls, a trip to Houston for Emma Kate's ballet recital,  and several trips to Tupelo with Clark to prepare Sara's house for sale. In the meantime, we have purchased a house here in Memphis that we are really excited about.  We are tired of our "flat" and not having a home that belongs to us. The house we just bought is a 1938 home in an older part of Memphis.  It needs a bit of updating which we were not expecting, but we think it might be fun to redo the kitchen and the master bath before we move in.  Since we are renting, we can stay here over the summer until our lease runs out and hopefully we can get the renovation completed before we move out of here. (I wonder if that will actually happen)  
Anyway, it might be fun to take some "before" and "after"  pictures and maybe you could even weigh in on some ideas---I'm open to suggestions.  I will post pictures of the house after we close so that I won't jinx the process. The lady we bought it from has owned it since 1947 and is experiencing seller's remorse.  So we are holding our breath in case she finds a way to back out of the contract.  I understand it is hard to let go of the home you lived in for 64 years, but you could still be nice to the potential buyers.  Or not.  


Pictures of the fun I've been blessed to have lately:

                     Love my  grandbabies.              

My buddies from Ole Miss days