Reflections

Memphis Botanical Gardens, October 2010

Now that the flurry of the holidays is behind me, and because I have had the time to think about things, I am even more convinced that I need to get going on my bucket list or at least accomplish some things that are worthwhile.  I mean, time is a tickin' and the next ten years ought to reflect what I think is important to do or at least begin.  I see myself continually shifting to an "older" person, and it is indeed hard to swallow.

  Here's a quick list of why I know I'm breaking out of the loop of YOUNG at a pretty fast clip:

1. I read books like I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron and totally relate.  How many people below the age of 50 would read a book with a title like that ?   I even think Nora and I could be friends even though we are from completely different backgrounds, because I think aging is a unifier. (sigh)

2. People ask me about my grandkids, not my children, though I'm delighted to expound on that amazing subject.  

3. I don't understand how "Jersey Shore" is the most viewed MTV series and has more than 1 million viewers.  Clark and I tried to watch it, and we didn't make it 3 minutes.

4.  I don't get Snooki.....

5. or her hair bump......

6. or that she has written a novel, and it was published.

7. I have to look up FB terminology to understand some people's posts.

8. I have only 1 app on my cell phone out of --how many?? 5000 or so? I thought I was really "with it" when I could sync my contacts from my mac to my blackberry-- and that I could Skype from my blackberry.  My blackberry is so yesterday. But could I use the iphone to its full potential?  

9.  I don't know any of the people on the cover of US Weekly, and when I thumb through it at the grocery check-out, I don't know any of the people inside either.

10. I have to look at the keyboard in order to text AND I always get the alt and the capital confused and have to delete and do over taking texting longer than making a phone call.

11. I act like I know what my kids are talking about even when I have no idea.  

12. My kids don't ask my opinion about very many things, even though I think I might have some insight on certain subjects.  (maybe because of # 11?)

13. Working out in the gym is a lot more difficult physically and mentally...... uh, is there an app for that?????

Home Alone

This Christmas will be unlike any other.
Clark and I will wake up Christmas morning all by ourselves.  This is just one of the many things I didn't see coming.  It was inevitable, with all four of our adult children spread out all over the planet.  But somehow I didn't realize it would come this soon.  Last year, my two daughters and their families met Clark and me at a cabin in the Hill country of Texas for Christmas, and with four children under four years of age, it was wild and wonderful.  I realized it was a hassle for them, but they did it for me, and I was grateful.  This year is the in-laws turn, and that is only fair, but truth be told, I want them all to myself every year.  We could have gone to Katie's house in Houston for Christmas, but then that would have left Clark's mother all alone, and perhaps my mother as well, so we elected to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day on a "mother tour" as we refer to it, and go out to Texas for an after Christmas/New Year's visit.  It will be great to see them, but it just won't be the same as hearing the giggles and little bursts of excitement you get when the wrapping paper is flying and the stockings are turned upside down.  I mean, that's what Mimi's are for---to sit back and watch and listen to the grandkids on Christmas morning.   
I think that the way we grow up and the traditions we have as children impact us more than we know.  I grew up with my maternal grandparents and six cousins on the same block.  We gathered at my grandparents' home every single Christmas Eve that I can remember.  I couldn't wait for those Christmases, because I absolutely loved being with my cousins and all the activity nine grandchildren would bring to a Christmas gathering.  So, I guess, I figured my kids and my grandkids would do the same.  But 500 miles is not across the street.  And I am going to have to get over thinking that my kids and grandkids will come to our house for Christmas at the same time.  In fact, it's not going to happen any time soon, because it is time for them to begin their own traditions, and have Christmas in their own homes.  I totally understand, but I can always hold out hope that one Christmas they will decide that it would be fun to visit Mimi and Poppy, because they will realize that I have never had all four grandkids home for the holidays.   And they will haul all the gifts and the kids and fight the traffic for 10-12 hours with two kids each in the backseat, or wait in lines at the airport with packages, car seats, and toddlers in tow so that they can spend Christmas at my house. That sounds like a plan, right?  

What Really Matters

Last week my sister, mother and I attended the funeral of our cousin.  His grandmother and my mother's grandfather were sister and brother. It hurts my brain to try to figure out the "once removed or twice removed" part of that.  I just know he was a relative that we were happy to claim.  And I'm about to tell you why.

He was the kind of guy that you felt like you knew all your life even if you had just been introduced to him.  He was a man of his word and a "gentleman's gentleman" according to one of his closest friends.  Bowen Travis was the kind of man who would go out of his way to give you a hand or help you out when you needed it.  He was the kind of guy who met the day every day with a positive outlook and a favor in mind for someone who needed it.  He was the kind of guy who made you feel like you were important and significant after being in his midst.  And he was the kind of guy who had his share of tragedies, but managed to cope and push through and maintain his sincerity and affable personality. 
At the end of the church services for Bowen, the minister suggested that anyone who wanted to could strand up and say what Bowen had meant to them.  We sat in amazement as person after person popped up from the pews to reconstruct an experience or an event that was special to them.  And it was always the same:  his honesty, his loyalty, his encouragement, and his love for people were his steady characteristics.  There was no mention of how much money he made or the type of car he drove, or his political views.  What really mattered to people were the  kinds of things he did because he had such a big heart, and because he was truly devoted to God.  The minister used Bowen's Bible to give the eulogy, and it was falling apart from use.  Bowen was one of those few Christians who actually lived what he knew to be the truth.  
I'm going to give you one example that stuck with me about Bowen's tender heart.
Bowen's wife, Christine, who passed away a few years before Bowen, was very ill toward the end of her life. She loved a particular blouse and wanted to wear it every day.  So, Bowen would wash and iron her blouse after she went to sleep every evening, so that it would be ready for her the next day.  Even in watching his wife of 60 something years slipping away, he found a way to make her smile.  
It makes me wonder if his encouraging spirit was something that he just had, or was it something he purposed to do?   Something to think about at Christmas time........

Mamaw's Pies

Four Generations of Girls

I have a lot to be thankful for this year.  And one of those things is that my mother is still baking her pies.  If you know my mama, you know that she loves to bake.  And she loves for you to eat what she has baked.  And  if you stop at just one piece of pie or cake, she will hound you to eat another piece until you either stuff yourself or hurt her feelings with a refusal.  It's all or nothing  I'm telling you.  Mama has been baking and delivering her goods to neighbors, folks in nursing homes, shut ins, accountants, doctors, and  bereaved families for decades.  She has loved to bake as long as I can remember, and she has a penchant for baking  pies.   She knows everybody's favorites in the family, and in days past has always had a cherry pie or two in the freezer ready to go on a moment's notice to a family member who drops in or someone who just might need a pie for whatever reason.   Why, she even sent me pies UPS in college!!!  My entire dorm floor knew when I got a package from my mama, because I was handing out pieces of cherry pie at all hours of the night while we studied.  When my mother has not been in our midst for a holiday, her pies have represented.   And if I am the recipient of a random cherry pie, I usually save it for a dinner party or an event where I need to take something delicious and don't have the time to bake.   I can remember proudly gifting my teachers a pecan pie for Christmas every year of my elementary school years ---so many people have been awarded a pie for decades, and I don't think any of them have gone to waste.  Mom has a menu as long as Mrs. Smith's, and enjoys making every one.  I'll go out on a limb here and say they are quite tasty---her crust is from scratch and her fillings have just the right amount of juice and fruit.   But, since she has been feeling bad the last few months, I invited her to our house for Thanksgiving and we decided we would bake just one apple pie together the week before Thanksgiving.  After all, we really didn't need too many pies for just 8 people for dinner.   Now here is where her problem lies:  she can't  make just one.  Mom called me the day before I was supposed to come to help her make the apple pie and told me she felt good enough to bake by herself and she would be fine in the kitchen......she told me she knew I had a lot to do to get ready and one pie would not be a problem.   The next day the phone rang.......
Mama:  Hey honey.  I fixed the pie.  Well, I fixed two apple pies.  And two chocolate pies and a chocolate cake and a coconut cake--well, two coconut cakes because the first one fell apart.   
Me:  MAMA!!!!  You have been feeling terrible and we decided one pie would be plenty for everybody!  I just hate that you probably did not feel like making so many pies and cakes and besides,  how are we going to eat all of those desserts?  
 (And this is definitely not the first time I have asked her this question)  I know you must be sooooo tired and worn out from cooking!  I'm so sorry!
Mama:  Well, I wanted everyone to have their favorites , so when you come and get me, make sure you have plenty of room in the car for the desserts.
Me: (not wanting to sound ungrateful for the wonderful but over the top baking) Thanks so much,mom.  I'll be there Thanksgiving morning to get you and the pies and cakes.  I hope you feel like coming, because we would rather have you than your pies!! 


And then she called me the day before Thanksgiving and told me that she just did not feel good enough to travel and that I should come and get the pies and leave her at home.   (no wonder)  So, we had a greatgrandma shortage and a pieless Thanksgiving , but traveled to see her today.  And we hauled all the desserts back with us.  She told me that sending us the desserts makes her feel part of the holiday even though she can't be with us.   But if she had just made one, could she have made it for the holiday?  I'm just sayin.   And so I have a refrigerator full of sugar and mama.  And I'm thankful.          

An Accomplishment

Because she was preoccupied with a couple of mallards in the lake, I was able to click off a photo of my quirky dog.  

I decided to take along my camera on our daily walk today.  When I stopped to shoot something, I would ask Ellie to sit and before I could finish the picture, I could hear her dragging the leash in an attempt to sneak away.  Just because I had the camera out, the girl started freaking out!  This small lake is two blocks from our house, so I am very blessed to be able to enjoy this fall scenery on a daily basis.  I am sharing some of my shots below, but my biggest achievement of the day was to catch Ellie as she was watching some mallards in the water.  As soon as she heard me click the camera, she jumped down, but I did get this photo of her.  And if you have read my former post about Ellie and cameras, you know how excited I am to have a good picture of her.  Happy fall everybody! 

It's Hell Getting Old, but Go Ahead and Laugh

Mama who is 5'1" and her youngest grandson, Jackson, 6'4"

Well, it's here.  I turn 60 tomorrow.  But this post is not about my growing old.  What's on my mind is my mother.  She stayed with us for about 9 days,so that she could see doctors in Memphis for various conditions you might imagine an 87 year old might have.  I took her back to her house yesterday, and on the drive back to Memphis, I thought of the week we had had.  What stood out to me during all of her doctor visits and needle pricks is that she has a great sense of humor, and that has helped her through awkward medical moments, rude and cold nurses, and doctors' comments which would not win them any bedside manner awards.  I continue to be amazed at how harsh a diagnosis can sound just by the way it is worded.  And then there are the health care professionals that you would like to take out to dinner because you enjoyed your brief encounter with them so much.  And that's what is so concerning to me.  You wait and wait and wait ---in our case 3 1/2 hours for one appointment and 2 hours for another.   And you actually see the doctor a little over 10 minutes if you are lucky.  And most of us would prefer the doc to be kind and attentive for those 10 minutes.  ( and some are )  But I noticed when the bedside manner went south, Mama would go into lockdown.   I can't help but wonder how often that happens with other patients.   I can still tolerate a doc who is not the sweetest person on the block, but when you are old and tired, and you feel old and tired, I think the bedside manner is HUGE.   So, on the way back to my house, we would try to find something funny about the appointment, or how neither one of us could remember where the car was parked in the cavernous parking garage, and we would laugh.  Or we would pretend to reverse roles and show that doctor how to speak to a patient the right way.  I just wonder if health care professionals realize how much their attitude affects the attitude of their patients.  Some just don't "play well with others".  And it is disappointing, not to mention a heap of trouble to take a chance on another doctor who may or may not have the same personality drawbacks.  It just makes me think about how much more pleasant it would be to have an uplifting, positive doctor, nurse prac, or staff member accompanying you as you make your way out of this life.  Because the doctor's office is about the only place you go when you are elderly and you feel bad.    

So I'm hoping that if I make it in this life another 27 years, I will be able to laugh at myself and at the people who are foolish enough not to show empathy to an octogenarian who feels like crap.  

 "A cheerful heart makes good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22 

Do I hear an "Amen"?

Everybody Cut Footloose

   My whole family loves to dance: my sisters, my mom and dad, my kids and their kids.  I think it is so very cool to be able to express yourself that way.   My first memory of dancing was at the age of 5 out on the Blytheville, Arkansas football field at halftime with head majorette, Gail Brogdon, and loving every minute of it.  I took tap and ballet for more than 10 years at the infamous Rockie Smith Dance Studio and wanted to be Shirley Temple for most of my elementary school years. I danced a lot at home and put on my tap shoes almost every day just to hear them click on the floor.  My mother was always fussing about the scuff marks, but she continued to let me do it.
 When I got to junior high and high school, I really wanted to go to the dances, but back in my day, you had to have a date in order to participate, and that just wasn't happening for me.  I probably had less than a dozen dates in my entire high school career which was a huge disappointment socially, not to mention stifling my dance moves.  I love that kids go out in groups now.  You shouldn't have to have a guy ask you out in order to have some fun!  When I got to college, anybody who wanted a date could usually get one, but you had to take your chances.   And you could have the worst time of your life on a blind date---I know that first hand---but that's for another post. 
   We always had live bands at Ole Miss in the late 60s and early 70s, and part of the great football weekend tradition was to hop from fraternity house to fraternity house after the games.  Most of us loved the weekend live bands at Ole Miss better than almost anything.  You could walk up and down fraternity row and get into any party free.  The frat guys had a social chairman who would book some of the coolest local and regional  bands in the area.  I remember when one fraternity booked the "Hot Nuts", and they got into a lot of trouble, because the band's lyrics were considered lewd and distasteful according to the University.  Those lyrics were so extremely mild compared to the music lyrics of today.   Funny how some things evolve into worse.  
My husband, Clark, was and is a very good dancer.  He was at ease on the dance floor, and really enjoyed kicking up his heels.  During college, he would grab a girl, even if she had another date, and off to the dance floor they would go.   And one night, Clark evolved into "Chicken Man" because he could dance with that head moving like a chicken long  before the "Funky Chicken" came into being.   And the name, "Chicken",  stuck.  Lots of people including me still call him "Chicken", although I try to avoid it in business and family situations.  Until recently, if we were at a party and there was dancing, you can believe that Clark was one of the first and last on the dance floor, and any lady who wanted to dance (and some who weren't sure) would end up in front of the band with Clark.  It has been so much fun to be married to a guy who likes to dance. 
Anyway, we don't really dance as much as we used to.  We just like watching the younger folks at weddings and get togethers.  But on our last night in Alabama with all of the boxes packed, Clark cranked up the music on the patio speakers and we danced to Etta and a few others.  But you know what?  Beale Street is a few miles to the west of our house here in Memphis.   And we can get into B.B.King's without a fake ID anytime.  And it might be fun to go.  But I think I'll be watching.  I have seen people my age on the dance floor trying out the new moves, and it just isn't pretty.  Yep, I'll be having just as much fun tapping my foot.........well....... maybe.