Auld Lang Syne

OK.  I had to google it.  I have been singing this song on new Year's Eve for 50 something years and didn't really know exactly what it meant.  I also didn't know it was a poem written by Robert Burns.  So I guess it's good to know what you are singing, especially if you've been drinking.  Oh yeah, it means "old-long since" or "old long ago" just in case you aren't sure either. And when we sing it, I guess we are looking at the past and sort of toasting to it with the knowledge that we have hope in the future.  Reflection is a good thing I guess, especially if you are grateful for what has happened in the past.  I'm just thinking about this past year, and for me, I was blessed with another healthy granddaughter, two daughters and their families who are happy and healthy, and a husband who continues to be my best friend.  I'm not saying everything was rosy in 2011, because there are always lows with the highs.  And this past year sent some revelations to me that were life changing.  But you move forward and learn to cope.  
About 12 years ago, out of nowhere, I began to write songs.  They were for family and close friends only, and were not particularly good.  But I would sit down at the piano and out one would come.  It was a way for me to express how I was feeling and better than going crazy, I guess.  Most of them were spiritual, but one was for Clark.  I haven't said much about him on this blog, but he is definitely worth a post, and then some.  He is one of the good guys--and I don't believe anyone who has ever met him would tell you any different.  I am seriously blessed and super grateful for Clark.  Anyway, I thought since I was doing a little looking back today, I would share that one song with you.  Don't worry--I'm not singing it, but just thought that it would be a cool way to end my blog for 2011. Have a Happy New Year everybody!
                                       
                                               Love of Mine
You still remember our first time to meet
No one could have told you 
My heart's yours to keep.
As we claimed life together,
A friendship was born.
Could it stand up to trials-
Life's thickets and thorns?


And I saw the flame flicker 
In your twinkling eye.
Naive young emotions,
Might they live or die?
Oh the flame is elusive 
And considered a threat
For it knows not of love
And of promises kept.


We've made mistakes
Had our miracles too.
God's grace was upon us
To help see us through.
So HIs path we will follow
Till we round our last bend
Much more pleasant a journey
Sharing life with my friend.

What's Cookin'?

I was brought up in the three square meals era.  Home cooked meals.  I know it's hard for you younger people to get, but in our little town of Blytheville, AR, there were just not many places to eat out, so everyone was at home eating ,and kids were in bed by 8:00.  That's right, 8:00 or before.  When Clark and I go out to eat now, there are kids humming around the tables and playing on iphones at 9 and 10 on school nights.  And we always wonder why they are out that late.  When I was a kid, It was a huge deal for us to have dinner out-- like a birthday or a holiday treat.  I can remember going to the Embers in Memphis for probably the first time I ate in a restaurant.  I was hammered all the way in the car about where my napkin needed to be and how I was to use a quiet tone in talking.  We were dressed nicely and were not allowed out of our chairs once seated.  Times have changed, for sure.  There is a restaurant on every corner and mom and dad are tired and just want to get a break.  
But I digress.  What I wanted to say today is that I am very aware of how cooking connects us....to the family and friends from whom we received the recipe, and to the memory of eating that particular food unique to the holiday season.  I have some of my grandmother's cooking utensils and when I grip the pastry cutter, I think about how many pies and cookies I consumed at Mimi's house that were made by her hands with that very tool. 
Two days this week, Mama came over and we made Christmas candy and cookies (our batting average on the fudge was .500).  On our first try, the soft ball was not hard enough; on the second try we overcompensated and barely got the candy out of the pot before it hardened.  But we made a memory and we laughed a lot.  She can no longer make those delicious pies I blogged about last year, but she can still stir up a pot of homemade fudge or divinity.  It just takes a few more tries.  Sometimes the holidays can be bittersweet, even if you are surrounded by lots of folks, because you remember those Christmases at your grandmother's house or other family member's home that are now an impossibility.  But somehow food is a great connector of family and memories.  And it's not just in the eating but in the making too. Have a blessed Christmas!

Hattie Elizabeth

Hattie arrived Sunday night after Thanksgiving. Clark and I were already at Katie and Adam's for Turkey Day, so Hattie was very accommodating.  Katie had another natural birthing experience, and I just don't know how she does it.  She's a strong soul, that one.  I am a very proud mommy and an especially proud Mimi.  Just look at that sweet baby girl..... so much to be thankful for.  

Free Fallin'

Leah and Paul  and their boys drove back to Austin yesterday after visiting us for about a week in Memphis.  The 12 hour drive must have been excruciating, and we were so grateful they took the time and trouble to visit us.   The boys are at the magical ages of 2 and 5 and everything is new and wonderful.  I enjoyed just watching them discovering things that we take for granted....like leaves.  I will admit leaves are a nuisance when they pile up on your steps so that you cannot even see where to put your feet, but I have resisted blowing  (I hate that noise) and bagging them and was so glad I had plenty on the ground when the boys were here.  Henry and I had fun identifying the types of leaves and I sent him home with a box full.  My mother spent several days with the little guys, and it was so sweet to see them interact with her.  Henry and I raked leaves for about 2 hours one afternoon with Mama looking on, and the above photo is the result.  I don't guess there is any way to go back and grab the delight of jumping in a big pile of freshly fallen leaves, but we were doing a pretty good job of enjoying ourselves just watching Leah and Paul's offspring. When the November days are clear and warm here in Memphis, it's as good as it gets.  I am grateful for the sweet gift of grandchildren.  Happy Thanksgiving!

                          

Adjustments or What I've Learned from my Mother the last 2 Weeks

My mother dancing at a Breast Cancer Awareness "Pink Party"

I am becoming more and more aware that we all are in a constant state of adjustment: to what life throws at us, to people who disappoint us, to misconceptions that surprise us, and to new ideas and/or new places.  And watching my mother adjust to a new home, new friends, new medicines, new doctors, and a new routine gives me hope.  I never dreamed my mother would transition so well in the first 2 weeks  from her home of about 50 years to an apartment in assisted living in Memphis.  She is homesick, of course, but she is trying to adjust.  It's not what she chose, not what she bargained for, but there it is.  And having Lewy Body Disease is certainly not a disease selection she would have chosen.  But she is a fighter and she is a "pusher througher".  Something I hope to be able to be when my chips are down.  Some things you just cannot change or reverse but you can adjust !  "For your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."  Mathew 6:8

What Time Is It?

For the last month or so, I have been packing, visiting Mama, moving, and unpacking.  The trips to Blytheville have been a good break from the moving chaos, but have also been heart wrenching.  Yesterday, my sister, Peggy, and I took Mama to a neurologist because we wanted to get a definitive diagnosis.  It was as we had suspected: Lewy Body Disease.  If you haven't heard of it, it is very similar to Alzheimer's but has some differences.  One of the main differences is that the plaques in the brain are diffused so that not just one area is affected.  Sometimes you see things that are not there--mostly people---in Mama's case there have been people that she thought she recognized or knew from somewhere but was not too familiar with. Just imagine how weird it must be to tell someone that you have seen people in your home at all hours of the night and the reaction you would get.  I mean your brain is telling you they are there!  And no one believes you. It's got to be so frustrating and confusing.  Yesterday Mama asked us what time it was about 10 times in a 10 minute period because she did not remember what we had just told her.  This disease is a cruel one, and like Alzheimer's, is difficult to witness.  She continues to have a sense of humor and at times is her "old self".  We still laugh a lot and she has the capacity to laugh at herself... something all of us, especially me, could do more of.  She has friends and family who drop by, but the phone calls are tough.  Most people want her to recognize who they are, of course.  And sometimes she does, and other times she doesn't.  It's not that she doesn't love that person or want to remember, it's just that her brain has barriers that keep her from connecting.  Right now she is "in the moment"  and may not remember much about the conversation she just had, but she loved every minute of it while you were talking to her.  And that is a wonderful thing!  I think diseases like this one cut to the chase.  What time is it?  It's time to love, to enjoy, to forgive, and to show grace. 

Have Family Will Travel

As soon as I got back from helping Katie with her two girls for a little over two weeks, I washed my clothes, repacked, jumped in the car, and headed East with Clark for his annual business trip to the Carolinas.  It was not a vacation.  It was driving to small communities, waiting on Clark in the car, sitting in the lobby of a mill, or hanging out in the hotel while he visited the mill owners to talk about this year's cotton yield, or the market, or whatever else a cotton merchant would discuss with his client.  We did get to see Clark's daughter, Casey, and her husband, and some good friends along the way, but I also managed a lost/stolen iphone4 in the process.  It was pretty tough coming back to the hotel to no cell phone--not just any cell phone-- but my friend, Kathy, filled in the gap with an extra phone she had that happened to be with the same carrier as ours.  It saved my life, because I was trying to keep in touch with Katie and my mom while we were on the road.  Thanks, again, Kathy!  
We cut our trip short about a week, because Mama was not doing well about a week into our trip.  Her hip had mended nicely, but her confusion was drastically worse.  I believe I had my last real conversation with her while she was in rehab, but I didn't know it at the time. .... which makes me want to scream to everybody to enjoy and love your family as much as you can as often as you can because you have today.....period.  And don't think about yesterday if it was yucky, because you are not going to profit one bit from going back, rehashing, or doing the shoulda, coulda, woulda thing.  Just take the good stuff and learn from the bad stuff.  (I know this is sounding preachy, but I am emotional right now.) 
Life is truly shorter than I imagined, and as I visit with Mama, I understand more what she meant when she told me over and over in my adult years to: "Go, Do, honey".  And I hope to go and do as much as possible.  There are so many things to go and do here in Memphis and where my kids and grandkids are, not to mention all the other options we have in today's world that can make a difference.  It's a good thing that Clark is a "goer" and a "doer" because he's a good one to take with.........